The Cold Turnkey

Focus on who and what you want,
instead of focusing on who and what you don’t want.

“It’s a funny thing about life: If you refuse to accept anything but the very best, you will often get it.” W. Somerset Maugham.

Are you focusing on who and what you want with a partner? Or are you focusing on who and what you don’t want? Because, we do get exactly what we expect.

Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes, famous author and Jungian analyst, created these 12 characteristics to seek in a long term partner. The 12 points are listed below, then I expanded upon them.

Here is a Guide for Conscious Choices in a Partner.

1. Kindness and Respect - The __expression, “we should treat family like strangers and strangers like family,” is indicative of the amount of disrespect that is tolerated in relationships. This attitude is a barrier to the basic building blocks of long-term goodwill and respect.

2. Ability To Learn: Curiosity - Although it is normal to have disagreements and power struggles, many couples fail to learn from conflicts and may repeat the same self destructive scenarios and behaviors for decades. We shouldn’t't talk unless we can improve on silence. As James Thurber noted, our tendency is to look back in anger or forward in fear, instead of “around in awareness.”

3. Flexibility - Many people grew up in rigid families, with rigid roles. Consequently, it doesn’t occur to them to let go of patterns that clearly aren’t working.

4. Ability To Hear Your Pain - This is what often brings couples into therapy, because they have not learned to sit and listen to one another with empathy and compassion.

5. A Deep Inner Life On A Personal Journey - Often couples become too fused together, losing their individual joys and passions.

6. Similar Passions - (Ability to have many varied good times together) - Many couples lose their pleasure bond with each other, sharing mostly complaints and drudge.

7. Similar Values - Unfortunately we read too many “happily ever after” fairy tales, instead of understanding the importance of conscious negotiation of rules, roles, religion, and money issues, early-on in couple-hood.

8. Compassion - Many people learn “shame and blame” games in their family. They engage in rascal hunting and learn to use these behaviors in close relationships. Families fail to watch each other with “soft eyes,” (Levine 1995) in order to address problem behaviors in a gentle manner without judgment about toward partners. Often a partner will take the “moral high ground” and lecture to the other about perceived inadequacies. Instead, of compassion shared between two equals, partners often relate to each other like they are parents of children. ‘

9. Ability To Laugh At Ones Self - Because many people grew up in a shame-blame environment, it is difficult for them to look at themselves lightly.

10. Substance Abuse, Dishonesty, Cover-up - A lack of knowledge about substance abuse introduces a wild card into relationships. Also, dishonesty and cover-up cause a build-up of bad feelings, becoming “brown stamps.” This can lead to what I call the “anchovy pizza” syndrome. In my practice I have seen countless couples who`ve saved “brown stamps” of bad feelings, until they are ready to cash them in at the break-up redemption center. In one such case, a woman saved book after book of bad feelings about her husband`s inability to hear her needs. The last stamp was pasted when he ordered an anchovy pizza. She hated anchovies. Then, she announced, to his shock, that the pizza was the last food he`d ever order for her, because she wanted a divorce.

11. Ability To Be A Friend And Not Just A Lover - Passion without friendship in relationships, is like doing somersaults on a circus trapeze without a safety net.

12. Someone Who Makes Your Life Bigger, Not Smaller - Unfortunately, too many people grew up seeing family in terms of correction-city, drudge and duty. Consequently, they perceive commitment as a prison sentence, instead of a shared adventure.

Although, this is an easy list to memorize, the difficulty lays in breaking the patterns that prevent maintenance of our desired behaviors. Peggy Papp, a famous family therapist remarked that we come out of our own family of origin with a “cookie-cutter” approach to life and it requires “heroic moments” to change the shape of our own cookie-cutters.

Visualize your dream relationship several times a day and that will help to begin to change your cookie-cutter. Focus on who and what you want, instead of who and what you don`t want. Only one person can defeat you in the endeavor, that person is you. Inner correction, creates outer correction.

Abraham Lincoln said, “Man is just about as happy as he makes up his mind to be.”

Copyright 2005 Linda Miles Ph.D

Author, Dr. Linda Miles, is deeply committed to helping individuals and couples achieve rewarding relationships. She is an expert with a doctorate in Counseling Psychology, and has worked in the mental health field for over thirty years. She has been interviewed extensively on radio, TV, and in newspapers and magazines. Find more relationship ideas and relaxation techniques on her web site and in the award-winning book she co-authored, The New Marriage: Transcending the Happily-Ever-After Myth, and Train Your Brain: For Successful Relationships, CD. http://www.drlindamiles.com

When dealing with the refurbishing of facial skin, peels are a popular option. Here is an overview of enzyme peels for your facial skin care needs.

An Overview of Enzyme Peels for Your Face

The enzyme peel is not a new technique at all. It has been performed for a long time ago but often without a deep knowledge on the matter. This is easily confirmed after an overview of those home remedies and cosmetics intended for skin care, such as papaya or green apple facemasks or lotions.

Papaya enzymes are not only good for nutrition but also to peel off epidermal cells, which aids in regenerating the skin. This property is also observed in aloe Vera, pumpkin, pineapple, and other fruits. Restorative enzyme peel is a type of exfoliating non-surgical procedure that uses natural or chemical products to produce exfoliation.

An Enzyme peel accelerates the natural exfoliate process of the skin to get rid of dead skin cells, promote young cell renewal, and visibly diminish scars, stretch marks, aging spots and lines, sun damage, and skin discoloration. Enzymes penetrate the upper layers of the tissue, cleansing pores and improving skin texture, tone, elasticity and tautness.

Although, some enzyme peels work with the aid of acids or mechanical granules, natural enzymes are the most recommended to prevent dryness or allergic reactions. In fact, some strong chemicals used for deep peeling, such as phenol, may cause cancer of the skin or side effects.

In order to obtain the most benefits from enzyme peels, whatever the product you choose or the natural home remedy, you can get the most from it by applying a thin layer to your clean and dry skin, rather than a thick coat. Enzymes work best by rubbing gently in a mild circular motion.

An Enzyme Peel produces results in the short term after begin the application, but you need to perform a routine exfoliation to see good results. Treatments with enzymes improve your skin look and feel, but do not stop aging. Furthermore, you will have to repeat a peeling treatment after a certain period of time to remove new damaged cells and keep your fresh and youthful appearance.

Ricardo de Silva is with PlasticSurgeonPractices.com - a directory of plastic surgeons.

Acne is a frustrating problems at all ages, affecting a large number of individuals. People with acne should take special care for their skin. In many situations, a gentle acne skin treatment is enough to get rid of this annoying problem. A proper everyday care when your acne is still light or moderate can give you the healthy skin you want and prevent severe acne from developing. All you have to do is follow a few guidelines in your daily skin care process.

Gently Wash Skin

Washing your skin is the most important part of an acne skin treatment. Wash your skin twice a day with a mild cleanser, once in the morning and once in the evening. You should also wash your skin after heavy exercise, when you’ve been sweating a lot. Some people try to cure their acne and reduce oil production using aggressive detergent soaps and scrub pads. However, instead of improving the situation, scrubbing your skin will only make things worse.

You can ask a dermatologist for advice on the type of cleanser your should use. Thoroughly rinse your skin after you wash it. Astringents are only recommended if your skin is very oily, and only on oil spots. Doctors also advise patients to shampoo their hair on a regular basis. People with oily hair should shampoo it daily.

Acne and Shaving

Guys who have or have had acne in the past should shave carefully. Test both electric and safety razors to decide which is more comfortable for you. If you decide on a safety razor, always use a sharp blade. Soften your beard with soap and water before applying the shaving cream. You can avoid nicking blemishes by shaving lightly and not more often than necessary.

Avoid Handling Your Skin Frequently

Avoiding aggressive behavior upon your skin is also an important part of the acne skin treatment. If you try to squeeze or pop your pimples, you risk forming unsightly scars. You should even avoid touching or rubbing your acne lesions. Do not try to pop your pimples either, because you might get scars or spread acne.

Avoid Excessive Exposure to Sunlight

Some of the medications that are used to treat acne can make you more likely to sunburn. Even though a red or tanned skin may make lesions less visible, these are only temporary improvements. Long-term effects are generally negative. Excessive sun exposure involves many risks, such as faster skin aging and developing skin cancer.

Makeup

The makeup you choose to use is also a part of the overall acne skin treatment. While you are being treated for acne, you might need to change some of the makeup products you are using. Use only oil-free cosmetics. Read the label if you are not sure. During the first couple of treatments, it might be difficult to apply foundation.

You should also avoid oily hair products, that may cause closed comedones on the forehead. Use only cosmetics that are labeled as non-comedogenic. Even those can cause acne in some people, so you should be very careful.

Michael Morris More Infos About Acne Skin Treatment Here!

Male grooming is becoming increasingly common place and grooming products for men correspondingly more lucrative. In 2004 sales of men’s products were valued at £650,000 in travel retail outlets worldwide by Generation Databank, representing a rise of 23.9%. Male grooming is as fast moving as womens beauty and skincare, it’s amazing how the guys are readily accepting the new looks and the diversity of the treatments and the results are stunning! See eye envy (the latest shoot for men) and fashion focus for men on the web site. Male grooming is more than just keeping good hygiene it’s about looking and feeling your best. It’s an enhancement that we all should really take seriously.

Male grooming used to be only the remit of a barber shop, which sold wet-based on how much experience the barber had now we are seeing the same buzz around high class salon’s catering for men’s needs. This could be the future of male grooming. Sue has found that men don’t feel comfortable having their hair cut and styled in a unisex salon and prefer a male orientated environment with experienced barbers and skin care experts. She points out: “The male grooming market has changed dramatically over the recent years” and we should all take notice.